I found my blog....YES !

Well, hello old friend!  I set up this blog years ago and never started blogging.  Why? Oh, the old time thing, ya know?  I have always wanted to use it, to record my ramblings, because those of you who know me, know I have a tendancy to talk and talk and ....well, talk !

My first entry will be a little deep as today is a special day of remembrance for my family and I.

Today, July 11th, is what would have been, my older brother Bryan's 51st birthday. He was taken from us, 4 years ago, very quickly, for which we are all grateful, but I know I can only speak for myself when saying this.....I still fight feelings of bitterness.  I hate cancer.  I'm going to call myself out right here and now, because I'm teaching our boys not to use the word "hate" , but yet I use it myself.  And I hate cancer.  It took my Daddy from me, another person I was not ready to let go of yet.  At least my brother got to meet Jacob, although he does not remember his awesome uncle , he was only 4 months old.

For those of you who don't know, Bryan was my dad's son.  Dad had 2 boys (Bryan and Gary) and a beautiful daughter, my only sister (Bekki) before he met my mom.  Mom had 3 boys ( Danny, David and Dennis) before she met dad.  When they met and got married, they then decided to try to have another child.  This is where I came in !  This is why I always called our family the Brady Bunch :)   

Bryan was amazing!  He was every girls dream of what a big brother should be!   He owned his own tattoo/piercing shop in Bellingham and I got to watch him hard at work, several times.  I had talked to Bryan about getting a tattoo and we discussed that the only way I would ever get one, is if my big brother was the one to give it to me.   This body is now un-inked and will remain so as a tribute to my brother.    I can remember as a little girl, going to visit them up in Bellingham.  I would get out of the car and run to my brothers.  They would swoop me up into their arms and I would just feel like I was up on top of the world! Bryan would sit and play his guitar and sing to me and I would blush.  He had such a beautiful voice and could play the guitar so beautifully!  They never treated me like I was a "kid", even though I was so much younger than they were.  I loved that about them both!  

Whenever I visited Bryan, he would always show me all of his gadgets.  He had so many neat things , old things, that he would buy off of E-bay (if I'm remembering correctly?) and such.  He used to shave with the old time brush/cup and flat razor.  Adam is now the proud owner of that set, as his lovely wife, Lisa gave that to us after his passing. I love to look over at Adam's sink in the bathroom and see a piece of my brother each morning! It's almost as if he is still here.

He was so very smart and inquisitive.  He was caring and loving and had a heart of gold.   When I saw him, holding our son that day in 2007, I just knew he was going to be an amazing dad someday.   That day never came.   He didn't even get the chance to see his nephews grow up.  He didn't even get to meet Brady.   I didn't get to say goodbye. 

But what he DID get was to have was to be surrounded by his loving wife and friends as he took his last breath.   He was able to live a life of happiness and be surrounded each day with people who made him happy.  He was well loved and he was content.   I cannot be more grateful for ANY of that.  That is what gives me peace and helps me to know that he is ok now.  He's not in any pain.  He is not suffering.

Bryan, I love you, and until we meet again someday, I want you to know, that your nephews know you.  They see you each and every day as your photos are in our home. You are a part of our family as if you were still here, playing in the sunshine, laughing, smiling that very contagious smile of yours.  You are still here, in our hearts, in our minds and will be forever.  We love you !